I was so nervous before the start of the marathon, more so than my first and second one, fearing that this marathon could be just as horrible or worse than my first one. I had one awesome 18 mile and 20 mile practice run but I did have one bad 18 mile practice run where I felt about just as bad as I did in my last marathon. I was also worried about running in the dark. The marathon started at 1pm and it wouldn't be until 7pm until I crossed the finished line. I hate the dark but I have made it a mission the past fours years to do things outside of my comfort zone to make the fear list smaller. Fear won't kill me. It's only a feeling. To my surprise right before the start of my race a dear friend and her husband showed up to hold things like keys, phone etc. I ended up asking for my phone back because I got to thinking what if I have a medical emergency. My mind never stops. My friend there though did make me calmer. First half of the marathon flew by. Then my friends husband joined me for the last four loops. He was very encouraging and now I wasn't worried about the dark factor. I wanted to beat my time of 6 hours and 6 minutes but I finished in 6 hours and 7 minutes. I have came a long way with my fear and anxiety but sill have a ways togo. I could have ran faster at times but I was afraid of pushing too hard. I have only shared with two people the other factor that made my second marathon such a horrible experience. As I was running my second marathon I was thinking about my Mom undergoing chemotherapy and other stressful things at once and then my heart began to palpitate and it didn't stop until hours later after finishing my marathon. I haven't told more than two people because I do not want to be discouraged from running. I think my heart palpitations are panic attacks, but I'm not 100% certain. Have had heart ultrasounds and EKGs and they were good but those tests were not ran while my heart was palpitating. Before I was a runner and overweight I would have heart palpitations several times a month. Since I have been running they happen maybe three times a year. Which makes me think they are anxiety attacks. Though I'm not certain. I told my brother a few weeks before the marathon that I was thinking about this being my last marathon because of the heart palpitation on my marathon and a training run. My brother asked what was I thinking about when this happened, he knows me so well. I listed everything I was thinking about. He replied keep running marathons you like it. He is right. My third marathon I was fine. I could have pushed harder if I wasn't worried about trigging a heart palpitation. I must learn to silence my mind. I have came a long way, I'm no longer that person that is too afraid to try anything new, but I have a ways to go still. Got to keep running. Next marathon I'll beat my time. | 